This is the promised theme post for handbag-loving single gals. I introduce Luella’s new collection of nautical themed bags. They represent sailing away from an old lover in style … if you wish. Actually, that is a stretch, and these bags go beyond Luella’s “charming” It factor. This Stevie Stripe bag overdoes this Spring’s navy stripes trend. Who said we wanted that on bags? Actually, the design work is, in one view, better than on those body-widening horizontal striped shirts. Imagine that.

At least we get some great negativity, and we all want that on Valentine’s Day!

I’m really coming to feel that Luella has a broken heart (charm). While I do love a nice handbag charm, I’m strict with the term nice, and strict with “handbag,” even (I love handbag-shaped charms). I’ve been thinking a lot lately that Luella’s charms are too childish, too tacky and themed. With this onslaught of these bags with dangling anchors (chuckle) it’s too much, too silly for me.

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Not I! Fanny packs make me cringe so much that I wouldn’t even have one buried deep in my closet, much less wear one. Although, I am ashamed to admit, but vaguely recall, that I had a kid’s version when I was little. Now older and hopefully, much fashion wiser, I know they’re one of the worst fashion disasters. Really, who wants to wear something that adds extra width to their waist and cuts their body visually in half?!

It continues to amaze me the amount of people who wear them and feel they look just fine, even great! I suppose they feel they’re being smart; you know, they have all the essentials close by they need wrapped around their waist, keeping their hands free. But, c’mon, there’s plenty of other options. It seems the majority of people who wear them are tourists, so might I suggest a chic shoulder bag, a fashionable tote or a cute backpack (but, be careful with backpacks; get a small, leather one). Just please, no more fanny packs!

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I’ve been disillusioned with COACH. I snatched up a Mini Signature Pocket Tote in black at a special sale, recently. I thought I lucked out with the signature aligning just-so from the pockets to the body. Saving it for Christmas, I pulled it out (among other bags) to examine and make-with-the-happy, once a night. Until one late night, I noticed something. Let’s just say strike 12 and my COACH turned into a pumpkin. The signature on the back and the front, where the two meet on the sides, was completely off, horizontally they weren’t even on the same, level field.

I threw into a fit of mania! (Addictions have their bad sides, of course.) For one black-magical night, I couldn’t imagine continuing with blogging or the life I’ve been leading. I thought I would give up COACH and find lesser known designers (I have). But I also recently purchased a python stripe Signature bag that is perfect (confuse me, much) that I can’t return or make a profit of selling. And my Chelsea Bouclé demi, I have nothing but love for. I think our affair will last, that little tweed darling.

I’ve decided that I will keep a careful eye on COACH Signature and still buy a few leather bags. Their up-and-coming designs show that the company is putting money into luxe details; they’ve just abandoned the standards for Signature I once saw in them!

Let’s examine: The new Signature Pocket Satchel doesn’t even have symmetrical pockets! The horizontal alignment is, again, not even level!

I’ve also decided that I should be hired by COACH to design for them. Oh, yes. I would whipstitch them into structured shape, or at least guide forward motion. Money cuts can be made elsewhere, not on the company logo!!

I do stay confused over how I want to proceed with them, and am leaning back on my thoughts of being brand loyal. Although, I am happy with a new wristlet and currently want two new COACH bags and a new pocketed mini skinny (and perhaps the wristlet).

Where was I? Oh. Sigh, sigh, sigh. (The only answer really is to hire me! Yes, yes!)

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Isabella Fiore designs are always a bit kooky, and it’s because of such that the company gets a lot of flack for their “misses.” I love their hits, but here’s a bag I don’t like. The Isabella Fiore Large Knit Hobo. If you hate sweater shoes, then you’d never give this a thought. This design effort didn’t make it luxe, instead, it resulted in a bag too similar to the forbidden holiday sweater (or its ski-bunny cousin). (Don’t even look at the “warm” color choice, I’m warning you.)

click for large details

On the other handbag, this Isabella Fiore Embroidered Cashmere Hobo (available exclusively at Saks for under $200) is a different case. The similar pattern you see (larger details picture) is not knit, it’s sewn on … and that’s on cashmere. It’s still a bit hokey and thematic, but it’s nice for such a theme bag. Plus, the pom-poms seem just right, they add a cute touch, without overdoing it like the first hobo.

See a matching, ugly boot at Kiss Me, Stace!

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Mallory Road:

I think the new line of “Doodle” handbags from Dooney & Bourke are named quite appropriately. My problem with the design is that it looks like you purchased a purse and used it as a writing board. If I’m spending between $100 to $300 for a handbag, I do not want it to look scribbled on! Actually, it doesn’t matter what I spend on the purse, I don’t like the look. In fact, I specifically try to protect my purses so they don’t get scuffed or marked. The shapes of some of these bags are great, but, in my opinion, the pattern does nothing for them. So, Designer Ella, what’s your opinion?

DesignerElla:

I think they they took all of their recent logo prints, mixed them in a blender, fed that to a dog, and it was so disgusting, she vomited on these nicely shaped bags. One step forward, two steps back!

Popularity: 6% [?]

If you’ve taken a look at my bio, you know that Anthropologie is one of my all-time favorite stores, so needless to say, I was excited to see they had new-for-the-season handbags available on their web site. They always have bags with one-of-a-kind looks and amazing details, along with unusual materials–very rich-looking! But, sometimes, they come out with a bag that just, well, doesn’t work for me.

The Bandeau Bucket Bag (17″ x 14″ x 6.5″), with it’s brown corduroy cinched wrap, kind of reminds me of a woman trying to fit into a tube top that’s two sizes too small. It has a ruffled top edge made from floral fabric with a matching bloused bottom and it sits on metal feet. (Personally, I feel metal feet should be reserved for finer fabrics such as leather and suede—fabrics you don’t want touching the floor!) The proportion of the bag doesn’t work for me either. It’s 17″ tall, making it much taller than it is wide.

On the other hand, I LOVE the Marwood Saddle Clutch! Soft turquoise cotton (although it reminds me of suede), tasteful beaded retro-print fabric, snap closure, perfect size (5.5″ x 11.5″ x .5″) and my favorite—melon-colored lining. Purely a great clutch!

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I’ve been eyeing Louis Vuitton handbags for months, and while artistic director Marc Jacobs does a fine job on his clothing lines and even some of his own brands’ handbags, his work for LV (since starting with the Monogram Vernis [nice, original line] in 1998) has been both sadistically nutty and boringly plain, sometimes at once.

The craftsmanship is indeed fine, but the design is often lacking.

º The bags can be so dull, missing the logo grommets, snaps, and specializing lines that often make other brands popular. I find the little details to be all-important, practically—they make or break. Without them, I feel the bags are not even complete. º The Papillon gives me horrible twitchies when I see it crumple and bend, as it so easily does. º With the help of insane artist Tashaki Murakami, Jacobs helped Vuitton produce the ugliest bags ever created, the crazy, smiling Cherry Blossoms and, currently, Cerises. º The art of attractive and flattering shapes is often lost on the brand, such as the case with the Bucket and Sac Plat (more creepy Cerises). º I don’t even understand the widespread appeal (especially to celebrities) of the Louis Vuitton Speedy (except that it has been around since 1933, designed by legendary Georges Vuitton the man who made LV iconic [especially from designing the Monogram], a few short years before he died).

Still the line is idolized. After reading from those in-the-know that 90% of eBay LV bags are fake (how ugly is that), and that there is no bargain, even my appreciated bags (that always have their own style-drawbacks) will not go on official buy-lists. I can contentedly admit that I will probably never own an LV bag, perhaps even if achieving my monetary dreams, the prices can just reach unreasonable levels. Small style, grand prices? Trés uncool.

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The Manolo is a Super Fantastic fashion journalist, I say. But in his shop of apparel, etc. featuring his well-known expressions, he attempts to sell very un-fantastic, plain manila, ill-shaped tote bags. They feature sayings like, “Manolo Says, Manolo Loves the Shoes! Super Fantastic!” I am sorry to The Manolo, I love The Manolo! but I want to point this out to the public, for he is treading (uphill) against my world of fashionable handbags.

I partially blame the Café Press. Just look at the floating look of the text on the back image. At least the self-design-and-sell service doesn’t offer shoes with text or images on them.

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Yikes! Versace’s Chain Snap Out of It Bag. I think Ms. Versace needed someone to snap her out of her druggy daze that induced her to just. not. stop meddling. The bag was finished at the zipper. Or perhaps the sea shell charm. Certainly before the chain straps! And then she went on… to add 7 more charms and a DOUBLOON!

I’m sorry, I’m sure a pirate sea maiden would love it.

(thanks Gemma!)

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Bergdorf Goodman has a preview of Marc Jacob’s Fall 2005 line. On the website are 7 bags in a display that ranges from classic to pure outrageous. The preview lasts through May 13th, and you can also put in reservations for orders.

I don’t understand Marc Jacobs. Strictly speaking of his handbags; some are so stately and classic, some are modern and a bit ugly, and then there’s a furry handbag. I don’t care if it is mink, in fact, that makes me dislike it more. Prices range up to nearly $3,000.

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